Mental vs Physical Illness
My parents have truly come a long way from where they were in 2010, before my suicide attempt. They told me that they knew I would attempt to commit suicide one day. They knew. They chose to continue separating themselves from my illness, until it was shoved right in front of them. The entire immediate family received a harsh jolt of needing to acknowledge my disorder. Before my attempt I was adamant in not wanting anyone besides my parents knowing about my disorders. It left the rest of my family in the dark and with little understanding on why I was unable to act in a consistent matter. It has turned to my benefit that they now know the back story. They seem to be more understanding and patient, and take things a lot less personal when I am in a funk/do not want to socially interact or am incapable.
Boundaries are difficult for me. They are even more difficult to learn where they should be. I am a very black and white person, which is a part of my borderline personality disorder. You either love someone or hate them, there can be no middle ground. I was never able to love someone and acknowledge that they may do something I do not like, but still love them. If a person did something untoward me, bam! I hated them. It was that way especially with my mom. Most of the time I hated her. I thought she was a terrible mother and was very selfish. I still believe that to be part true, but I am learning that I can still love her, because she is my mother, I just do not like the things she does. It has helped with our relationship tremendously. Both parties needed to put forth the effort. She has put time and energy into researching and attempting to understand my disorders and the effects they have on a person in general – the struggles and hardships.
There is no cookie cutter answer/solution to someone who has a mental disorder. Just like there is no one person who is effected the exact same way. That is one of the main problems in having the general population better understand mental disorders. There is a standard approach, but it is not as straightforward as a physical illness. A physical illness has a clear and universal accepted path. You see a doctor they tell you: everything is fine, there is nothing to worry about/nothing to do at this time, give you medication(s), refers you to a specialist. It progresses from there… with more or different medication(s) and/or treatment(s), therapy, surgery, etc. There is also a general procedure for the mentally ill. See a psychiatrist, get evaluated, prescribed meds, possibly referred to a therapist. It seems to get stagnant from there. At least in my experience and the many others I have met along the way. Some rotate in an out of hospitalization, with suicide attempts, psychiatrists, therapists, medication. But in the physical aspect, for treating a mental disorder, all that (seeing a psychiatrist, therapist and trying new medications) is doing is putting duck tape over an already pus-filled wound – no antiseptic cream, antibiotics, doctor visit.
The past 15 years I was circulating around with psychiatrists, therapists and medications. I would have continued on that path if it was not for my suicide attempt. If I did not attempt suicide I would have not been hospitalized. I would not be on the medications that I am on now (which are working for me at this time). I would not be in the program that I am, because I would have not been referred to it. Such a dark event has produced a much lighter outcome. I am not recommending people to commit suicide in hope that they do not succeed and that things take a 180 as has for me, so far. It is just the path that my life has taken.
Mental illness is a complex disease – with no discredit to physical disorders. Both are not welcome, and make life more difficult for the bearer. I do worry how long it may take for the stigma to decrease for mental disorders however, to where it is not an in-closet discussion. Depression has helped move mental illnesses in a positive directions, but it does seem to be one of the more explainable disorders. Stigmas still linger. Generalizations happen on a daily basis. How can one stay in that wise mind state? Wise mind: the balance between reason and emotion. An example of black and white thinking. Scientists would be described as being more reasonable than emotional. They base their findings off facts, tangible and provable facts. Artists and musicians would be described as living in a more emotional state. Their emotions guide the lyrics they write or sing, the colors and strokes they take. Lets make this more applicable to the general population.
CEOs, supervisors, managers all make decisions based off facts in front of them. This worker has been consistently late for the past two months, sales for the worker have stalled and is effecting the company directly now. This person is fired despite any explanation that it was a divorce, or family illness. Next, there is a clear trend that the company is losing money in their advertising department. They cannot justify keeping the number of employees they have based off the low profit they have coming in from that department. The CEO ends up firing five employees. This is a reason-forward mind of thinking. Now lets flip this. The facts show that this worker has been consistently late for the past two months, and it has been affecting the sales of the company. The supervisor/manager hears out the worker’s explanation and sympathizes with the worker. Despite falling sales and the company losing money the supervisor/manager decides to keep the employee, because of the emotional situation. They become emotional attached to the worker’s situation and ignore the facts. The CEO realized that the company is not earning the revenue that it once was, and the advertising/research department is no longer pulling its weight. However, the employees are all crying out that they can not be the one to lose their job, they have bills to pay and mouths to feed. They as a department all promise to try five times as hard, tugging on the “heart” string of the CEO, and the CEO caves.
Being emotional all facts are ignored. Completely on the reason side all emotions are set aside and facts are all that matter. Wise mind is finding the balance between both emotion and reason. Mental illness is not a physical illness where everyone else is aware (can see) the condition. That said physical illnesses are not always seen, and people can still judge another if unaware of what is physically wrong. Someone may be acting as if they are high when really it is a new medication they are on to help with a couple slipped disks in their back. It explains why they may have jerky movements, and the medication explains the other actions.
The big thing that differentiates the stigma for mental illness is that, in general, when someone explains their physical condition it is accepted without question. It is assumed that a doctor diagnosed them. A doctor who knows what he is talking about. A doctor who could either feel the slipped disks or could read the x-ray taken. All these are facts that people consider a given. They trust the doctor, because they had to go through years of school and residency. X-rays are accepted as being accurate and the films produced are considered facts – a real picture of a person that can not be seen without cutting someone open.
Mental illnesses are slowly being verified by CT and PET scans. However, there are people still in disbelief that a mental illness is not some characteristic of that person. The article about Brandon Marshall, receiver for the Miami Dolphins, came out about him having BPD (borderline personality disorder), and it was flooded with numerous negative comments about his “so-called” mental illness. That it is him trying to not take any responsibility on his actions, or that it is trying to explain [whatever] personality defect they label him having. I brought up that topic at the most recent Wednesday group meeting, and someone brought up the point that the actual name for BPD has the word ‘personality’ in it, and it most likely has a very negative impact on how people view it. I have to agree that it certainly does not help with the perception people will have. I have BPD. It is a very complicated disorder.
I am not sure where I am trying to go with this post. It is obscenely long.
